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Become Involved in Your Child’s Cyberspace

Pull up a chair next to them and ask the following:

• Share with me the programs and websites you use for instant messaging such as Yahoo, AOL IM or Messenger and any social networking sites such as Facebook or Myspace.
• By the way, if your child is under 13, you have the option to have these accounts deleted. It is against the Children's On-line Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) passed by congress for them to have these accounts without verified parental consent.
• Share with me all your screen names you use for instant messaging.
• Ask why they have more than one? Are you comfortable with the screen name(s) they created?
• Share with me your profile or away message for each of these screen names used for instant messaging.
• Share with me your buddy list for each of these screen names.
• Ask for the real name for each screen name on the buddy list.
• If they don't know, this is a stranger.
• Ask yourself, do you know each “cyber” buddy?
• Have you ever shared your password with a friend?
• If yes, have them change it immediately and explain why it is dangerous to share their password with anyone besides you.
• Have you ever cyber bullied or have been cyber bullied?
• But first define bullying for them: An act against another intended to ridicule, intimidate or humiliate.
• Share your feelings about bullying on-line and how wrong this behavior is towards someone.

• Do you understand that everything you type into an IM or post at a social networking website can be copied, pasted and forwarded to ridicule, intimidate, humiliate or even blackmail you?
• Do you understand that very personal and private issues are best shared in person or on the phone and not on-line or through text messaging where it could be forwarded or changed very easily.
• Do you understand how important it is to protect your reputation?

Establish a “Trust But Verify” approach

• Establish your own family's acceptable computer use policy. List what may or may not be allowed on your home computer. Set clear rules about time limits too.
• Be upfront with your child that this policy will be enforced and monitored.
• Therefore they cannot accuse you of spying or invading their privacy with this fair warning upfront.
• Explain why you are just as concerned with what their peers may send to your computer.
• Purchase monitoring and time control software to help enforce your family's acceptable computer use policy.
• Search “parental control software reviews” to see what are the latest options and reviews.
• The most effective programs log every key stroke and send you reports as often as you want.
• Do not allow a computer to be in a child's bedroom. Keep it in a public area such as the kitchen.

How much technology and access do they really need at a certain age?

• Does your child really need a cell phone? One with text messaging? One with picture/video taking capabilities?
• Does your middle school child possess the maturity and social skills to use technology and social networking websites responsibly? Do their peers?
• Is it healthy for them to come home and plug right back into the school and social drama versus having some well established quiet, reflective and regenerative downtime?
• When does technology begin to create too much stress and anxiety. What is the right balance for your child?

 
Reprinted by Permission from John P. Halligan.  For further information please see:
www.safepassagemedia.com ; www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org

©2003-2007 John P. Halligan